By Joao Crus, Owner & Head Instructor, Joao Crus Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu

When parents tell me their child struggles with anxiety, Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu isn’t usually the first solution that comes to mind. In fact, the idea of putting an anxious child in a situation where they’re grappling with other kids might seem counterintuitive, even concerning.

But after 25 years of teaching BJJ, I’ve discovered something remarkable: the mat is one of the most effective places for children to learn how to regulate their anxiety.

Here’s why.

Anxiety Needs Practice, Not Avoidance

Most approaches to childhood anxiety focus on helping kids avoid or escape uncomfortable situations. While this provides short-term relief, it reinforces a problematic message: “You can’t handle this feeling.”

On the BJJ mat, we take a different approach. We create a controlled environment where children can experience the physical sensations of anxiety, and learn to move through them successfully.

What Anxiety Actually Looks Like on the Mat

When children first start training, certain positions trigger their anxiety response immediately. Being held down, controlled, or trapped activates their fight-or-flight system: racing heart, rapid breathing, that urgent feeling of “I need to get out NOW.”

This is exactly what we want, because it gives us something to work with.

Unlike anxiety triggers in daily life – tests, social situations, performance pressure – on the mat, we can control the intensity, duration, and safety of the experience. Your child is never actually in danger, but their nervous system responds as if they might be.

This gap between perceived threat and actual safety is where the learning happens.

How We Use This in Training

Our approach is deliberate and structured. We don’t just throw kids into sparring and hope for the best. Instead, we teach children to:

Recognize the physical sensations of anxiety as they’re happening
We name what’s happening: “Notice your heart is beating faster. That’s your body trying to help you. You’re safe, and you can breathe through this.”

Practice breathing and staying calm while someone is literally on top of them
We teach specific breathing techniques that children can use when they’re being controlled or held down. They learn that they can influence their nervous system even in uncomfortable positions.

Learn the difference between feeling threatened and actually being in danger
This is crucial. Just because something feels scary doesn’t mean it is scary. On the mat, kids experience this truth repeatedly: “I feel trapped, but I’m safe. I feel uncomfortable, but I’m not hurt.”

Discover they can think clearly and problem-solve even when anxious
Once children realize they can breathe and stay present, we teach them to look for solutions. What technique can I use from here? Where can I create space? This builds the skill of thinking clearly under pressure instead of panicking.

The Transfer to Real Life

Here’s where it gets interesting.

When your child faces anxiety at school, whether it’s a test, a social situation, or speaking in front of the class – they already have hours of practice staying calm under pressure.

They’ve been held down on the mat and learned to breathe through it.

They’ve felt trapped and discovered they could still think.

They’ve experienced intense discomfort and realized it wouldn’t last forever.

These aren’t abstract concepts they’ve read in a book or talked about in therapy. They’re embodied experiences their nervous system remembers.

How This Works at Different Ages

Anxiety looks different at different developmental stages, and our approach adapts accordingly.

Ages 4-6: Building the Foundation

At this age, anxiety often manifests as clinginess, tantrums, or refusal to participate in new activities. These children might cry when dropped off at school, avoid birthday parties, or have meltdowns over minor changes in routine.

What we focus on:

– Very short, playful introductions to physical contact through games
– Learning to name big feelings (“I feel nervous,” “My tummy feels weird”)
– Practicing being brave for just a few seconds at a time
– Building trust with instructors and training partners through consistent routines

What this looks like on the mat:
We use animal walks, obstacle courses, and partner games that involve gentle physical contact. A typical drill might be “bridge the bridge” where one child makes a bridge position and their partner crawls under. It’s physically intimate but presented as play.

When a child gets anxious, we acknowledge it immediately: “I see you’re feeling nervous. That’s okay. Do you want to watch for a minute or try it with me holding your hand?”

Real-world impact:
Parents of our youngest students often report that their child becomes more willing to try new things – whether that’s ordering for themselves at a restaurant, going to a new playground, or staying at grandma’s house overnight. The confidence they build from small brave moments on the mat transfers to small brave moments everywhere else.

Ages 7-9: Developing Self-Awareness

This age group experiences anxiety around performance, peer relationships, and meeting expectations. They worry about grades, what other kids think of them, and whether they’re “good enough.”

What we focus on:

– Identifying where they feel anxiety in their body
– Understanding that everyone feels nervous sometimes
– Learning basic self-calming strategies they can use independently
– Practicing being uncomfortable for longer periods

What this looks like on the mat:
We introduce positional sparring, starting in specific positions that create mild stress (like bottom of side control) and practicing staying calm for 30 seconds, then a minute, then longer. We explicitly connect this to school situations: “Remember how you stayed calm when Marcus was holding you down? You can use that same breathing when you have to give your presentation.”

We also start introducing the concept of “comfortable discomfort”, the idea that some positions feel bad but aren’t actually dangerous. This age group can understand this intellectually and start to separate feeling from reality.

Real-world impact:
Kids in this age range often show significant improvements in test anxiety, social confidence, and resilience when things don’t go their way. One third-grader told his mom: “I was scared to read in front of the class, but then I remembered I’ve done way scarier things at Jiu-Jitsu.”

Ages 10-12: Building Resilience

Pre-teens face intense social pressure, academic demands, and the early stages of identity formation. Their anxiety often centers on not fitting in, fear of failure, and worry about the future.

What we focus on:

– Understanding anxiety as a normal stress response that can be managed
– Developing a personal toolkit of regulation strategies
– Building genuine competence and problem-solving skills
– Learning to set boundaries with peers

What this looks like on the mat:
At this age, we incorporate more live sparring with strategic debriefs. After a challenging round, we might ask: “What did you notice in your body? What helped you stay calm? What made it harder?”

We also introduce scenarios where students have to advocate for themselves, like telling a partner they need to slow down or tap out. This builds the boundary-setting skills that are crucial for managing anxiety in social situations.

The techniques become more complex, which means more opportunities to feel stuck, frustrated, or overwhelmed – and more opportunities to practice working through those feelings.

Real-world impact:
Parents report that pre-teens who train consistently show better emotional regulation overall. They’re less likely to spiral into catastrophic thinking, more willing to ask for help when they need it, and better at self-advocating in difficult situations. They’ve also built genuine competence in a challenging skill, which provides a foundation of confidence that’s harder to shake.

Ages 13-17: Mastering Self-Regulation

Teenagers face the most complex anxiety challenges: academic pressure, social dynamics, future planning, and the physical and emotional changes of adolescence. Their anxiety can manifest as perfectionism, social withdrawal, or intense self-criticism.

What we focus on:

– Sophisticated understanding of stress physiology and nervous system regulation
– Using BJJ as a laboratory for testing and refining coping strategies
– Building identity around resilience rather than achievement
– Developing metacognitive awareness (thinking about thinking)

What this looks like on the mat:
Teen classes involve significant live sparring, competition preparation (for those interested), and complex problem-solving under pressure. We have explicit conversations about performance anxiety, fear of failure, and the mental game of competition.

We also discuss how the mat serves as practice for life: “You’re going to face situations in college and career where you feel completely out of your depth, just like getting caught in a submission. What you’re learning here is that you can handle that feeling and still function.”

For teens with severe anxiety, we sometimes modify their training to emphasize exposure therapy principles – gradually increasing intensity while building confidence in their ability to cope.

Real-world impact:
Teenagers who train consistently often show remarkable transformation in their relationship with anxiety. They stop seeing anxiety as something that controls them and start seeing it as information they can work with. They’re better equipped to handle college applications, job interviews, difficult conversations, and social pressure.

One high school junior recently told me: “I still get anxious before tests, but now I just think of it like warming up before sparring. My body’s getting ready to perform.”

Our Class Structure

Every class at Joao Crus Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu includes:

Partner drills where kids practice being in uncomfortable positions safely
We gradually expose children to the positions that trigger anxiety, always with appropriate supervision and clear safety rules.

Controlled sparring with clear rules and boundaries
Live training allows kids to experience real resistance and uncertainty while knowing they’re protected by rules, time limits, and instructor oversight.

Reflection time where we connect what happened on the mat to real-life situations
We don’t assume kids will automatically make the connection between mat experiences and daily life. We explicitly discuss how the skills they’re practicing apply beyond the academy.

Age-appropriate conversations about emotions, boundaries, and self-regulation
We talk openly about feelings, stress responses, and strategies for managing difficult emotions. BJJ becomes the vehicle for these important life lessons.What Parents Notice

After consistent training – usually within three to six months – parents often tell me they notice their child:

– Doesn’t avoid challenging situations as much anymore
– Can calm themselves down without needing a parent to intervene
– Speaks up about their needs and boundaries more clearly
– Shows up to things that used to terrify them (birthday parties, presentations, tryouts)
– Recovers more quickly from setbacks and disappointments
– Demonstrates more confidence in their ability to handle difficult situations

One mother recently told me: “My daughter used to have meltdowns every Sunday night about going to school on Monday. After six months of BJJ, she still gets nervous, but she doesn’t let it stop her. She knows she can handle it.”

That’s the difference we’re looking for – not the elimination of anxiety, but the development of skills to manage it effectively.

Why This Approach Works

Traditional martial arts often focus on building confidence through achievement: earning belts, winning competitions, mastering techniques. While these things have value, they don’t directly address the core challenge of anxiety.

At Joao Crus Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, we position BJJ as relational and psychological first, physical second. The techniques matter, but they’re a vehicle for something more important: learning to regulate your nervous system, set boundaries, and trust yourself under pressure.

Anxious children don’t need to avoid discomfort, they need practice experiencing it in a safe environment where they can develop confidence in their ability to cope.

The mat provides exactly that.

Is This Right for Your Child?

If your child struggles with worry, avoidance, or overwhelming feelings, our program might be a good fit. We work with children as young as 4 and have successfully helped many anxious kids develop greater resilience and self-regulation skills.

That said, BJJ isn’t a replacement for professional mental health support. If your child is working with a therapist or counselor, our program can complement that work beautifully. Many parents find that the embodied learning on the mat reinforces concepts their child is exploring in therapy.

Next Steps

We offer trial classes so you can see our approach in action and determine if it’s the right fit for your family. You’ll get to observe how we structure class, interact with students, and create an environment where anxious children can thrive.

I’d love to talk with you about your child’s specific challenges and how our program might help. You can reach me directly at [your contact information] or visit us at Joao Crus Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu in Dripping Springs.

After 25 years of teaching, I’ve watched countless anxious kids transform – not because they learned a triangle choke, but because they learned to trust themselves when things get difficult.

Your child can learn this too.